Lately, I have been thinking a lot about my sister, Becca and when she was diagnosed with Burkitt's Lymphoma (click link to learn more about this dangerous disease) and I thought I would share with all of you a rather harsh and real memory of mine. I am somewhat of a closed book, so sharing is somewhat new to me.
Becca was a senior in high school and had so much more life to live when she was diagnosed with the deadly disease. As some points during her fight, she was an inch from death. She was flown on "Flight For Life" several times and the odds seemed to be against her. Just when things started to look up, they would come to a crashing halt. Doctor visits, chemotherapy treatments, and spinal taps were our everyday lives. My little sister and I decided to give our hair to Locks of Love (click link for more information) that fall. I came back with a haircut that was supposed to look like Mandy Moore's hair from a magazine I was studying. But when does our haircuts ever look like the beauty queens in the magazines, especially when we are an awkward pre-teen? Very rarely. So naturally, I was in a huff the entire day because I didn't look like the Mandy Moore, who I had been enamored with since Walk to Remember. What was my reality check? My hair would slowly grow back each day, but Becca was losing hair by the handfuls by the minute. My dad and I drove to Denver that day to see Becca and my mom after they had been flown via helicopter and I was restless with excitement to see her, regardless of the terrible haircut. As I ran into the room, I I looked at her in a new light; she was beautiful, completely radiant. Yes, her hair was falling out, she could barely walk, only slightly smile, her eyes were sunk in and she would cry at times; but she showed me a raw and pure beauty I had never seen before. Right then, she opened my eyes up to a whole new world. A world of pain and hope. I light-heartedly jumped into her bed and told her about what was going on in my life and gazed deeply into her eyes, searching for the origin of the magical beauty. She lightheartedly told me of how she now had little shame that Mom would have to take her to the bathroom and help here with showering, or how she was thinking about wearing wigs; but deep down you could hear and see the pain. Later that night, I would watch as a nurse shaved my seventeen year-old sister's head. Every teenage girl's treasure; her hair, was gone. The reality that my sister was a real-life cancer-kid hit me like a 10 ton bulldozer. Before, she was never like the other kids, she wasn't hairless. But when the nurse shaved that las bit off, she truly became a bald-headed cancer patient. We saved her hair, but all of us knew that nothing would ever be the same.
A few years later, Becca and I would talk of this day. She told me I saved her life, that when I jumped into her bed with my bob haircut and looked past how sick she was, that I turned on a switch for her. She found a hope she didn't know she had, the thought of leaving this life scared her, so she fought. She fought hard. What I try telling her each time we talk of this day, is that she saved me. She saved me from living in a perfect world, I saw the pain she was going through, but found beauty and hope in her. On that day, I knew what I wanted to do with my life, I wanted to help people. I wanted to change the world. I wasn't sure what college major that would be or what life path I would take; all I knew was that I needed to shave my experiences, successes, failures, pain, and skills. My sister woke me up to the world outside my Christian home. It was the beginning of a journey that would be full of ups and downs, twists and turns, but led me to the amazing place I am today. I am where I am because God changed my heart through Becca. Wanting to serve God in Africa may never have happened without her.
Dedicated to my sister: Thank you for being the strongest person I have ever known. For fighting the greatest battle and beating it. You truly are my hero. You radiate God's love and passion for life, don't ever loose your light.
